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Good Sex Should Last 7 to 13 Minutes Not Hours, Therapist Says

Published by on December 19th, 2019.

Are you one of those that complain that sex lasts too long or not long enough? Have you ever wondered how long sex should really last? Oh well, I did a little research and came across a lot of theories but this one tickled my fancy. According to a 2008 survey of sex therapists, sex is “too short” when it lasts one to two minutes. “Adequate” is three to seven minutes, and “desirable” is seven to 13. The range for “too long” went up to 30 minutes. Interesting you say? Let’s read on.
I don’t think it is right to conflate longer sex with better sex. However, there isn’t a specific length of time that sex should last. A lot of people, especially Africans often say that they want sex to last longer than it does but you don’t need to be having sex longer; you need to be having sex better.
A research was done by gq with women on their ideal sex time and a woman said her ideal was 10-15 minutes of foreplay and 10 minutes of intercourse: “I find I get rather impatient in bed, or perhaps I just haven’t met someone worth taking more time.” Another said, “I feel like this sounds short, but honestly 5-10 mins plus like 15-ish minutes of foreplay.” Another woman said, “I generally like sex to last 15-20 minutes, with intercourse being like maybe a quarter of that.”
Inopportunely, popular culture today has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse. You should also know that sufficient foreplay is often far more important for a good sexual encounter than a long slog of pure pumping. In fact, for a number of women, more than ten minutes of pure jackhammer action is just too much.
But the average duration of sex doesn’t tell the whole story of course, especially since it measures time between penetrations to ejaculation. There’s a whole universe of sexuality and relationships out there that has little to nothing to do with penetration. In sex, there’s not really a normal. Sexuality is so diverse, and every individual is different. It’s advisable for people to think about how unique their own sexuality is. It doesn’t make sense to put ourselves in a box with a survey.
And for those who watch porn, don’t let that fool you jare! Most of those videos you see are not realistic. The vital thing is that you are satisfied with your sex life. If you and your partner end each session feeling relaxed and connected, then it doesn’t matter how long it lasted at all.
But if you have worries and you feel you don’t last longer than you envisage then try some new techniques. You can change your routine a little. Don’t just go for penetration, spice it up with foreplay. Above all, your enjoyment is what matters, not trying to compete with anyone. And if you really want to experiment, then go for it. It just might be the nudge you need.



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